Pride Month: How Can I Show Up?
In a month of celebrating and supporting the voices of LGBTQIA+ friends and colleagues, how can I show up professionally to provide safety and support to my clients?
First, it is my responsibility as a couples and relationship therapist to create safety and inclusion in my practice.
I can state this clearly enough. But, what have I done and what can I continue to do to stretch my knowledge and understanding of the lived experience of my LGBTQIA+ clients that is different from my own lived experience as cis-gendered woman married to a cis-gendered man?
I have to own the times when I make mistakes, say the wrong thing, and just plain don’t know. I believe my willingness to be vulnerable to my own shortcomings makes me a better therapist. If I can be honest with myself about those shortcomings and continue to show up with honesty for my clients, my hope is that it creates the space for their vulnerability, honesty, and healing.
But none of this is easy. When asked in an early session how I approached work with LGBTQIA+ clients, I tripped over the response. Incredibly embarrassed, instead of continuing, I apologized to the client for the lack of a coherent answer and acknowledged that the question was important. This shifted our conversation and I was able to give a clearer account of my work, but I was certain I’d never hear from the client again. I was wrong. We have a long-standing clinical relationship where I have continued to learn that my honesty and vulnerability allows the client the space to explore their experiences.
AASECT is an incredible resource for therapists. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists provides training and classes for certification in sex therapy and sex education. Whether or not a clinician decides to pursue accreditation from the organization, their classes are open to educators and counselors. The curriculum is designed to train, educate, and expand students’ understanding, creating providers that can offer safety and inclusion to all clients. I have found these workshops and classes, especially Sexual Attitude Reassessment (SAR, a cornerstone offering of the organization), to be educational. But even more importantly, they encouraged me to identify my biases, own them, challenge them, and find a new level of acceptance. I walked away with a greater understanding of the vastness of the expression of human sexuality. The class also helped me find a new level of self-acceptance. I can show up more authentically for my clients if I am also more comfortable with my sexuality and clear about my own biases, how I need to stay aware of and continue to challenge them.
Identifying an individual or couples therapist that is supportive for the LGBTQIA+ community can be challenging. The AASECT referral directory is a place to start, but there are many supportive relationship therapists that aren’t affiliated with this organization. The LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory lists businesses and providers that are responsive to the needs of the LGBTQIA+ community, including intersectionality of race and socioeconomic status.
When searching listings for an LGBTQIA+ affirming practice, looking for language in a provider’s professional write-up or clinic website focusing on being open and affirming is a plus. Knowing whether or not a clinician is able to support and respect their clients’ identities through the use of the client’s own language, lived experience, and inclusive pronouns in early sessions is another positive indicator.
Continuing to have my eyes and ears open to others’ experiences is an important piece of my own learning. I need to be in charge of creating opportunities to hear people. Dropping my fears of looking naive or uneducated and questioning my biases is an on-going necessity. Being willing to ask clarifying questions of people and take charge of my own education is key so that I don’t make it someone’s responsibility to educate me. This is how I work to show up as a responsible professional who wishes to be an advocate and supporter for LGBTQIA+ individuals and families.
This is my work to do. This and all of the questions and truths yet to come my way that I didn’t know I didn’t know.
Written by Jeannie Ford, MA, LAMFT