Couples Therapy for Valentine’s Day and All Year Round
Valentine’s Day can stir up a lot of emotions. Unmet expectations in relationships, feeling pressured to “prove” your love, spending pressures from the commercialization of the day; all of these pressures can lead to feelings of disappointment and anxiety, especially if there is already stress in your relationship. As a couples therapist, I often see that these holidays can highlight communication and intimacy concerns that couples already have in their relationship.
The origins of Valentine’s Day are up for debate. It may be left over from a Pagan fertility ritual, a holiday with roots in Christianity or stemming from Greek mythology. However it started, as with many holidays, it has become commercialized in a way that is not particularly healthy for relationships.
It’s not that I believe taking a day to celebrate your love is a bad thing. If you and your partner are on the same page it can be fun to do something special for each other. I just believe that a healthy relationship is built on intentionality throughout the year. Whatever your feelings about Valentine’s Day, taking time to reflect on the growth of your relationship is essential for relationship satisfaction.
Couples therapy, sometimes called marriage therapy or couples counseling, is a commitment to doing just that. Going to couples therapy can help you and your partner learn new skills to improve communication, deepen emotional intimacy and increase sexual satisfaction.
What I love about my work as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist, is having the privilege of working with couples to strengthen their bond. There is a lot of work we do in couples counseling to achieve this. Below I have highlighted the top three benefits to couples therapy.
Learn Communication Skills
Many of us didn’t grow up with examples of healthy communication in our homes. Even those of us who did can often get stuck in unproductive, and even damaging communication cycles with our partners. Learning the basics of how to communicate in an assertive and loving way is the basis of any healthy relationship. The Gottman Institute has a plethora of information and resources for couples on healthy communication. Having a trained marriage therapist or couples therapist to help you learn and practice these skills can help you get out of your unhealthy patterns and feel better about yourself and your relationship. All the relationship therapists at Resilient Intimacy have training in Gottman Therapy and are skilled in helping couples improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.
Increase Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy can feel wonderful when it is achieved. It can also feel scary. Especially for those of us who have experienced emotional, physical or sexual abuse either as a child or an adult, emotional intimacy can feel overwhelming. If there has been a rupture in our current relationship, such as infidelity, emotional intimacy can feel unachievable. Couples therapy can help create enough safety in a relationship for partners to express vulnerability with each other. Having a couples therapist who is trained in how to create and hold the space for vulnerable connection can result in a deepening of emotional connection and a strengthening of the bond between couples.
Increase Sexual Satisfaction
Sexual satisfaction is an important part of a healthy relationship. Having time and space dedicated to discussing sex can greatly improve overall heath and relationship satisfaction. Negative messages about sex are prevalent in our society, so discussing sex can often be uncomfortable for couples. Working with a skilled couples therapist to achieve a higher level of comfort in discussing sexual concerns and sexual satisfaction is an investment in overall quality of life!
Couples therapy is not only for times when things are rocky in a relationship. Starting couples therapy before issues get too big is a huge benefit to the health of your relationship. This Valentine’s Day, instead of flowers or chocolate, consider investing in the health of your relationship by scheduling a couples therapy session.
Our therapists at Resilient Intimacy are here to help. Jeannie Ford, MA has a masters in Marriage and Family Therapy and has additional training in Gottman Therapy as well as Prepare Enrich premarital therapy. She currently has day, evening and weekend openings for couples either tele-health or in person at our South Minneapolis location. You can schedule a free 15 minute pre-therapy consultation here. Give you and your partner the gift of a healthier relationship!